I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
