sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
