just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
As shirtless as possible
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
