god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
kristin has been a bad kristin
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh god it's open bar.
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