Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
