Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
