Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a search helicopter?!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
