What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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