she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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