I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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