Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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