Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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