Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my fart just growled at me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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