His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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