Sponge bath it is.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
