Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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