She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize