hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
