Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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