that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
