I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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