A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
vagina is talking i cant
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
