she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
