I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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