Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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