I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
