how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
