Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
