Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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