I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
