I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
