i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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