1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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