It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
