and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
