Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
