margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
