Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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