I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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