I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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