filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
