somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i permit you to call me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
