Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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