shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
