OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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