drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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