you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
