I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
