Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
