Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
