Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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