either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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