Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
