Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
