Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
