why didn't you poke me back
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
