I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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