Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
