I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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