She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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