I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
