Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
