so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize