So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
