Kiss
Puke
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
