We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize