i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
