is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
